Kirsten Fagin 8/20/18 Kirsten Fagin 8/20/18

How a Rom-Com Helped Me Heal | An Ode to "To All The Boys I've Loved Before".

Fifteen years old me was so triggered by watching the movie that I had to walk out and go get a snack.

by Kirsten Renee

I'm a romantic comedy fanatic, I've watched all the classics, and even some that no one else has heard of. Rom-Com's have always been a form of escape for me, falling in love with a stranger, being the one for someone, or even forbidden love all have captivated my interest since I was young. As a child my diary held my deepest fantasies and dreams, often starring whatever boy my little heart had a crush on at the time. As I got older, the leading person changed, but those fantasies never went away... nor did my need to write them down. I went from writing in my diary to writing notes to my heart's desire. Going out on a limb, and hoping that they would return my affection. That never happened though, I usually was met with a hard dose of reality and legit embarrassment. Yet that never stopped me from writing notes or being overly hopeful that one day I would find my own rom-com partner.

Well into my teen years where not much happened, but things got a little spicy at times. I realized that romantic comedies were not the best "How To" when it came to dating, and I was actually doing more harm than good to my own heart. My movie watching turned into me reading romance centered novels, thinking that I would one day find the Jasper to my Alice. Let's be real, they were the real power couple of the Twilight series. Don't get me wrong, I would still watch movies about tragic love all the time, and still silently wished I was in them.

At some point, adolescents turned into adulthood and that's where shit got really funky. While most of my peers went off to school and found new lovers and friends. I was off at a local college, nursing a very wounded heart and hoping that I would just be invisible to everyone. It's weird how I went from craving the attention of others, to wishing I could be swallowed up by the floor. Heartache does that to you, and sometimes we don't realize the blessings that come out of a breakup.

Recently, I've been anticipating the arrival of Netflix's new Romantic Comedy dedicated to teenaged love. "To All The Boys I've Loved Before" caught my eye not only because of the diverse cast but because of the plot. Girl writes love letters (sounds familiar?), letters get sent out, and suddenly she's faced head-on with the consequences of her hearts desires. I sat down and watched it with my best friend and by the end I was sobbing. How did these people expose me like this? I quickly added this movie to my list of favorites and spent the next day reading both books (reading the third one currently!) that it was based on. Reading the books is what really broke down things that I hadn't really noticed that I still held on to. Sure, there were major differences but the gist was the same. . . How do you fantasize about love, but run away when it's in your face?

See the older I've gotten the more cynical I've become and you would think that for someone who loves love as much as I do I wouldn't be. However, it seems that relationships aren't something that IRL me can handle. The idea of loving someone and allowing them to love me back actually scares the shit out of me. Like are you serious? What's wrong with me? Why am I like this?

It wasn't until I saw and read about LJ and Peter's relationship that I realized "damn girl, you're too young to be this cynical"! Author Jenny Han literally brought my deepest secrets into the light and used my younger self to make me face them. Fifteen years old me was so triggered by watching the movie that I had to walk out and go get a snack. I went home after I watched and decided that I needed to see it again to make sure that I wasn't losing my mind. The second time, however, brought about different feelings even though it had barely been four hours in between both viewings. This time I wasn't watching it as a younger version of myself, I was watching as me now. Which in retrospect is a hell of a lot worse, because then for the next 24 hours I devoured 2 of the 3 books, and watched the movie for the third time.

When the realization hit me that 16-year-old LJ and 26-year-old Kirsten were the same people, emotions got heavy. Here I am, damn near thirty realizing that the world in my head is NEVER going to match the one I actually live in. Let me tell ya, making that connection felt like I got slapped by the biggest brick to the face. Here I am, a grown woman still fantasizing about the great loves she'll never have. Which could possibly still happen I'm not that naive, but it's best to not write what I want it to be. It's best to let it happen how it's supposed to without any influence from my romance-obsessed brain.

True enough, not everything can be explained nor can I rewrite the tragedies that I've experienced. I can't take back the notes that I wrote or the embarrassment that I felt. I can't change teenaged decisions or redo the heartache's that came with it. I can't fix any of that or alter it in any way, the only thing I can do is to recognize my heart now. What does she want? What does she need today? How can I assist her in healing and growing simultaneously? How is she wanting to be loved? I haven't asked adult me those questions before, and maybe it's about time that I start doing just that.

This book series and film, pushed me past comfort zones that I did't even realize I was in. Sure the setting may be high school, but the lesson is so much bigger than that. We don't get to make up our perfect person, nor do we decide when they come into our lives. For all you know that best friend you had on the playground when you were six, will be your first kiss at sixteen. Life is funny like that and should be enjoyed in all of its fucked up glory.

Heal yourself in any way you need to.

Blessed be.

Check out "To All The Boys I've Loved Before" NETFLIX now!

Kirsten Fagin 2/20/17 Kirsten Fagin 2/20/17

5 Perfect Movies For The Ultimate G.N.I.

by Kirsten F.

There’s nothing like calling up the girls and having them all over for a fun filled night of drinking, cookies and eating so much that you poop your life away. Of course on any good G.N.I you HAVE to have great movies! So I came to your rescue with my own list of favorite films!

1. Fired Up!

There is nothing better than getting together with your girls and quoting every scene from this movie. Tbh if you haven’t seen Fired Up, You are surely missing out on “pee your jammies” type of laughs. Not to mention, Shawn and Nick are the ultimate babes!

2. She's The Man

In what I personally feel is Amanda Byne’s best film EVER, “She’s The Man” is the PERFECT movie to kick your G.N.I off! Who doesn’t want to watch a movie about a badass lady taking down a bunch of jerks? I know me and my girls surely do. This movie is full of feminine power, and a half naked Channing Tatum . . . So that's an ultimate win. #BadAssHunkyDude

3. Clueless

You can’t have a girls night + not include the ultimate 90′s classic “Clueless”! Cher, Dionne and Tye are the perfect trio to get you and your girls in the lady bonding mood. Clueless is a classic, and it teaches you valuable life lessons like; Make sure your shoes are on tight so you don't almost knock someone out while you dance. Also, it’ll make you want to go shopping because the outfits are LEGIT.

4. 21 + Over

21 + Over is the film that’ll probably turn your Your G.N.I into a G.N.O. There’s nothing like watching Miles Teller and Skylar Astin walk around with nothing but a sock on. Although, don't be like them and lose a friend. Make sure you and your girls are near each other at all times! Sister safety!

5. Sixteen Candles

You can’t have a G.N.I movie night and not invite everyone’s favorite 80′s princess Molly Ringwald! Sixteen Candles is a movie that not only makes you wish that you got to wear 80′s fashion, but it’s a film that you and your gal pals can relate to. Everyone and I mean everyone, has had a Jake Ryan…Am I right?

Tell us what your favorite G.N.I movie’s are!

MagickGAL 1/20/17 MagickGAL 1/20/17

Film Review: Hidden Figures

by Emery W.

I don't know where to begin when reviewing a movie as monumental as Hidden Figures. This film is so inspiring and educational. It's quite possibly the best film based on a true story I've seen. Honestly, it's probably because the story centers around people like me; African-American women.

Long story short, Hidden Figures tells the story of Katherine Johnson, Dorothy Vaughan, and Mary Jackson (portrayed by Taraji P. Henson, Octavia Spencer, and Janelle Monae respectively) as three women who work for NASA as human computers during the '60's when America first put man in space.

Though their stories intertwine as a strong female friendship, each of these incredible women have their own personal story to tell of how they changed the face of math and science forever.

Katherine Johnson, a math prodigy, is brought from the Black wing of the space program to create and solve equations that inevitably put the first man in orbit. Tackling a mountain of racial and gender barriers, Johnson eventually does the impossible, and becomes more than a computer. She becomes an integral part of the team. Henson does a stupendous job of portraying the journey of a woman who starts in the background of a room to the forefront of an entire operation. Her bathroom scene ( I won't go into details) brought me to tears, and made the whole theater erupt in applause. If you thought Taraji P. Henson is a Cookie Lyon typecast actress, watch this film, and be immediately proved wrong.

Dorothy Vaughan is the woman who *spoiler alert* eventually becomes the first African-American supervisor for NASA. So not only is she a ground-breaker for women, but people of color as well. Octavia Spencer has always been a Goddess on-screen in my opinion, and this role is another addition to a list of roles that has made me fall in love with her.

The one thing about the film I would tweak is the story behind Mary Jackson. While Janelle Monae undoubtedly did an exceptional job with the role, I wish I'd been shown more of Jackson's story. It's an inspirational look into how one of the most brilliant minds in the world was silenced because of the color of her skin. In fact, the initial problem with the space orbit may not have happened if this woman was given a fair chance to get her degree. I just wish the film showed more of her work with N ASA. However, what did feature Jackson was extraordinary.

I give this film a solid 10/10. I'll buy it, watch it, and share it with future generations. I'm so thankful that this film was made because it's a part of Black history that wasn't featured in my books.

MagickGAL 12/29/16 MagickGAL 12/29/16

Top Six Halloween Films

By Emery W.

It’s the spookiest time of the year… Especially in cinema!

he world is full of “scary” movies. Those meant to haunt our nightmares for endless evenings. I’ll be the first to admit that I had to watch The Little Mermaid, and at least three episodes of Spongebob Squarepants after seeing Insidious the first time because of how scared I was.

Yet, as scary as that film (and others) are, these are my top six favorite movies that really scream, “Halloween!”

Scary movies aren’t reserved solely for October 31st, but the ones I have listed deserve an unspoken place on the shelves of all-things Halloween.

#6. The Nightmare Before Christmas

Ah. Tim Burton. The man who creates the creepiest, yet not incredibly scary movies. Something about the dark, spooky atmosphere of all of his films sparks Halloween vibes without sending the viewer into a heart attack. With that being said, The Nightmare Before Christmas is a classic for all families that stems the line between both Halloween and Christmas so take your pick as to when you choose to watch it. Hell, if you’re like me, you watch it for both holidays.

#5. The Craft/The Covenant

If you’re into magic, witchcraft, and witches that aren’t green and ride brooms, then this is a movie for you. Another one that isn’t a horror or thriller flick, but definitely great to watch during the season. If you haven’t seen it, you’re missing out. If you’re in the mood, there’s an all-male cast version with the same kind of concept, but not quite as cult category worthy. Both are still great films.

#4. t’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown

A classic, and safe for all-ages. If your elementary school teachers didn’t push in the TV cart with VCR around Halloween time, and show you this movie then you are truly missing out on life.

#3. Halloween Town Series

We grew up with Marnie, and sat biting our nails watching her discover that she’s a witch, and harness her powers. Talk about a fierce role model for young girls. Disney Channel did something completely right when they made this series. The only real left-turn they took was recasting the actress who portrays Marnie in the last film. But hey, new Marnie or not, a good franchise is a good franchise.

#2. Halloween Series

Michael Myers. The masked man who haunted my dreams for years. This is one of the scary movies everyone wants to watch if they want to be legitimately scared. Full of silent-inducing terror, and blood, the whole series is a must-watch. Just make sure it’s the old-school series, and not the remake.

#1. Hocus Pocus

e title says it all. Hocus Pocus is the epitome of all things Halloween. It doesn’t matter when you were born, this film is a cult classic, and must-see. So much so that I will not give away any plot details because you should watch for yourself. Just don’t be surprised if you find my future son named Thackery.

Long story short, if you want to really get in the spirit of Halloween, turn off the lights, grab some popcorn, and watch in one, if not all, of these films.

MagickGAL 11/30/16 MagickGAL 11/30/16

An Open Letter to Augustus Waters.

by Kirsten F.

Dear Augustus,
Yes, you Augustus Waters… I am writing an open letter to you. Yes you, the fictional character, the young man who I assumed to be a figment of my wandering imagination while reading “The Fault in Our Stars” by John Green. I am writing this open letter because I have many questions for you.

So many things went through my mind reading this well written piece of literature. However, tonight when I saw this book take life upon the big screen, more questions came to mind. You see I am a creature of wonder, not habit. I want to know everything that I possibly can about everyone. Including those who do not actually exist, I am what some would call a “mess”. I read books, and I fall in love with a particular character(s) or the story as a whole. Well in this case it is both; I fell in love with the story, and well with you.

The moment you walked into Hazel Grace’s life I knew you would be good. I knew that you would bring her some form of adventure, and new experiences.

How did you know that the moment you bumped into her (in the literal heart of Jesus) that she was someone you wanted to know? That this beautiful young woman, with the tubes in her nose, and the oxygen tank stuffed backpack was going to change your life. You sat and looked at her, and I mean really looked at her. You saw passed her obvious signs of illness, and you just saw her. That my dear Augustus is so breathtakingly beautiful, it’s as if you were falling in love at first sight.

Now I have never been a believer in such a myth, love at first sight has always seemed a bit skeptical to me. How the hell does someone fall in love with another human they have yet to actually get to know? Is it their outer appearance? They way they walk? How they move their mouth when they speak? Maybe it’s the look in their eyes… I don’t know, but what I do know is that you have made a believer out of me.

Now yes I know, “It’s just a story, it isn’t real”, but isn’t it though? Isn’t there some parallel universe where you and Hazel exist? You are alive and well in the mind of the author, and every single person that read the book.

I know what you’re thinking, “I died in that book. My story ended.” I don’t think it did though, I think that was just the beginning of your story. I know that initially the story was meant to be about Hazel Grace and her take on life, and thoughts about the world. I however, believe that the story was about you. How you came into her life at its unintentional plateau and moved it along. I can’t tell you what exactly it was that I felt when you came into the picture, relief, excitement, or maybe it was just my classic case of curiosity. Who is this guy? What is his story? How did he end up at this place, and why the heck is he so fascinated by her?

As the story went on though, I got the answer to those questions, but then more formed from those answers. What made you decide to go with Isaac to the group that day? What made you decide that Hazel was going to be the one that you fell in love with? How did you become so happy, and how is it that even when you are knowingly dying you can still find the time to live?

I have a fear Augustus, a fear that I am never going to live the life I want. That I am never going to experience every piece of life that I know I was destined for. So tell me, how or when did you decide that “living” is what you were going to do? Was it when you thought you were going to die the first time the reason? Or maybe you’ve always been that way… Alive.
It would seem as if I am demanding answers from you, almost how you and Hazel demanded answers from your “favorite” author. I’m not though, I’m just merely curious, and slightly hoping that while writing this letter I find the answers myself.

As I read and reread your story (a good seven times in fact) trying to find those answers I was looking for I kept coming up empty handed. It wasn’t until I watched your story play out in front of me that I finally began to understand. You see you taught Hazel that life is more than what it’s believed to be. Augustus you showed her how to live, and be spontaneous … Be free.

Even in your last days you managed to make even the most complicated life event such as death seem like a piece of cake. You made love and loving someone else not seem so terrifying, and effortless. I think about that every day, and sure I do love people mostly friends and family members. However I wonder every single day how I could love another person the way that you loved Hazel, or how many people love their particular significant others. I am realistically terrified of such a feeling of letting someone in enough to shake my life.

I don’t like the feeling of letting others get to close to my heart, because although I am the “tough and secure one” I am absolutely terrified of having my heart broken. There was something you said to Hazel when she told you that she was a ticking time bomb, and didn’t want to hurt you. You told her that it would be a privilege to have your heart broken by her.

When I first read this story I couldn’t believe you would say such a thing. You were willing giving this individual the power to do whatever it is to your heart, your soul. I couldn’t comprehend it then, and it drove me insane because I didn’t understand. It wasn’t until this very moment as I write this that I get it, I get why you would give her so much power. Because you loved her, you loved her more than anything. THAT Augustus is what broke my heart in a very poetic and beautiful way. You loved Hazel Grace so much that it didn’t matter if she broke your heart, held it close, or put it in a blinder. All of that didn’t matter, because all you wanted was to be loved by her, and so you were.

I realized that when you love someone as much as you cared for Hazel that even if that person breaks your heart or in your case dies. All that matters is that you loved them, and they loved you. The only thing that is important is that you got to feel that, and THEN I realized that I have felt that, I have felt what it is like to love someone so fiercely and unconditionally. Even though it ended in a tragic and mind altering heart break I felt it. I couldn’t make sense of it then I didn’t understand that even though my heart was broken and my head was in a scary place. I felt love, and I realized that in the end that is all that matters. The feeling of being in love and living in that moment, that is what it’s all about. It’s about going through the rough patches and fun times just too either end up apart or together. It’s a risk; you helped me gain some clarity on that.

On knowing that just by giving someone the option to break your heart is an adventure in itself. It is in fact the ultimate adventure in life, and if you have the opportunity to experience it you should go for it.

My dear fictional Augustus, you have done more than you could imagine. All you wanted out of this life was to be remembered and you’ve done more than just that. You’ve made an impression on millions of people. People just like you, some not, and those of us who are somewhere in between. You may have died young, but you lived a thousand lives, and for that I can’t say thank you enough. I will take the words you said, and the way you made me feel with me forever. See that’s the thing about books, fictional and non fictional they will always leave some form of impression on you. Good or bad, they leave a little piece of themselves with you.
Thank you for giving me a piece of you.
Okay and Always, and everything thing in between