Spirituality VS Sexuality: What Do You Do When Your Boyfriend Leaves You For Jesus
By Macie R.
“Two people on fire for the lord is always better than one.”
*Names have been changed*
Via Google
I was pretty set on what I was going to talk about as my first post. you know, Friday night cocktails, how much waxing does your vagina really need, giving yourself some TLC because lord knows no one else is, but alas here I am with a totally off the wall topic.
I was recently involved in a phone conversation (which I usually avoid at all costs because I mean.. Who doesn’t want to text?) with a close pal and he (John) proceeded to disclose some information regarding his ONE YEAR relationship. Emphasis on the ONE YEAR because that’s pretty freaking magical to make it to these days and it will come into play in a bit. My friend is a gay man (yes GAY , and I’m also a gay woman for those reading this) so yes, this conversation and probably many to follow, are going to focus around a homosexual relationship, so brace yourself conservatives of the world! Any-who, he is dating this fellow (Skylar) whom from what I understand, is quite a lovely lad.
Like I said, it’s been ONE YEAR, why would John stick around if Skylar wasn’t the cats pajamas? Right? Well, here’s the catch ladies and gents, THEY HAVE OPPOSITE RELIGIOUS BELIEFS. Who’d a thunk it? Something most people (this includes all orientations) fail to consider or address when entering a new relationship. You’re too “in love” to talk about God right? Too busy in the honey moon phase to discuss whether or not you can be supportive of each others views. Well, Skylar is a Christian and believes that sexual activity before marriage is something to not indulge in.. Now, people, that would be acceptable and completely understandable had they actually stuck to it after all of this time. But after ONE YEAR, shouldn’t this want of celibacy have been maybe…talked about? NOPE. Skylar is just now wanting to stick to his guns and cut off all sexual acts. No big deal, right? What’s the problem there?
Well people, it wouldn’t be if he had actually wanted John to be a part of that journey.. He wants to handle this one “solo”. (Yes, I was just singing to the song solo as I typed that, I hope you were too.)Now John is what you’d call a spiritual being, he is not necessarily tied to any certain religion yada yada yada. But, that doesn’t mean he isn’t supportive and loving of Skylar’s walk with God. Clearly, John was 100% juicy juice on board with Skylar about taking steps back physically. Yet, it was a walk Skylar wanted to walk alone. Sad right? How can after ONE YEAR you wouldn’t want to share that journey of religion with someone who is basically standing there, arms open, saying BRING IT ON BABE!
“You’re too “in love” to talk about God right? “
So all of that led me to this question, can two people learn to mesh religion? Like truly collide together and it be truly accepted by both parties? If one person is willing to dive head first and learn about your ways and your families ways, shouldn’t that be considered a damn blessing? Do you think your faith could actually strengthen if your partner was dabbling in it with you? Couldn’t you both grow individually and as a UNIT? Perhaps I’m bat shit crazy, but I think two people on fire for the lord is always better than one. (Yes I said bat shit in a religious post…bite me)
My point of this article? Beats me, honestly. I have yet to experience an opposite religious view with my counter part. But I do think if you’re blessed enough to have a partner who is on your team, who loves you for all of your shades, who is standing right fucking there begging you to let them into your spiritual world, let them! How could curiosity in your relationship with anything ever be a bad thing? How could allowing your loved one entrance into that part of you, be such a negative?
Well, that’s all folks. I will leave you with this. Grab tight to your lovers roots, grab tight to your faithful foundation and grow like trees.
Why I Chose To Not Have A Sexual Identity
By Kirsten F.
“I chose to be limitless when it comes to defining my relationships. “
Via Tumblr
When I was a teenager I would try to force myself to fit into different categories. My self identity came with a checklist of adolescent ideals that I felt fit me at the time. I claimed the emo/scene notch on the list proudly, and felt as if that was who I was, until it wasn’t. I attempted to become urban, preppy, and a list of other things when it pertained to social status. Those tags became how I presented myself to people and chose to express the definitions of those categories freely.
My teenage years were spent throwing myself into different lifestyles, and figuring out my sexual identity was a huge part of that. I was heterosexual, a lesbian, questioning, bi-sexual which then lead me to being pansexual, queer and eventually where I am now. This very moment, where I have decided to not identify as anything at all (actually I chose to live this way a long time ago). I am done with the labeling of my relationships with others, and I say this because I don’t just like one specific type of person. Sexuality isn’t black or white for me, and to be brutally honest it isn’t the grey area either. My views on sexuality and sexual fluidity form a galactic type of scenario inside of my mind.
In my world my attraction to others isn’t based of off genitalia or what they choose to describe themselves as. My attraction to other humans comes from the uniqueness that person has within. It’s about who they are internally, and the mental connection that we have. It is difficult being a person with no chosen identifier, simply because a lot of times others don’t understand. I am not homosexual, nor heterosexual, nor am I any other label that falls underneath the umbrella of sexual identity. I identify as a woman, a writer, black, and a number of other things, however when it comes to relationships and dating… I had no way of figuring that out, nor do I ever want to. I’ve dated and am very open to pretty much anything that I deem fitting. I’ve had my fair share of conversations about being confused and have even had people demand that I identify myself so that they will feel more comfortable.
It doesn’t work like that though, I can’t just place myself into a box because society says I have to. How dishonest would I be if I just claimed to be someone that I am not, nor have no desire to be. Throughout the phases in my life I’ve transformed, and become another (albeit a much better) version of myself. I think of my journey to self discovery, and how being apart of those different subsections of sexuality helped me figure out what or who I liked. There are women that I would marry if they asked me (hello Zoey Kravitz) and there are also men who I would love on if they came my way. However there are also gender-less folks, and those who are like me who have no set sexual preference that I am into.
via Google
I once thought that I was a lesbian, a full blown rainbow wearing, hardcore lesbian… and then I dated a boy. Which lead me back to the bisexual route that I had left for lesbian land. I then decided one day that I felt like I could check more attributes off under the Pansexual subsection of the LGBTQ+ community. Until one day that wasn’t enough anymore, I didn’t fit the description under any of them. Confusion and shame set in, and I questioned who I was entirely, if I couldn’t choose a sexual identity than what am I supposed to be? How am I supposed to tell people that having a vagina or a penis isn’t a requirement for my natural attraction to another human?
Labeling myself and my attractions caused me to exclude others, I felt as if when I was underneath the rules of a specific label I was missing out elsewhere. I had to stop myself from liking someone because they weren’t apart of my specific grouping. How could I limit myself in such a way? Relationships come in all styles and in the form of different people. Which is why I chose this, I chose to be limitless when it comes to defining my relationships. I choose to be as free as a bird, because love is everything. I choose to be a harbor of gender free love, and I’m okay with that. I am who I am, and have no desire to ever change that part of me.
My Queerness + I.
by Shelby D.
When I was about four years old I realized that maybe I liked girls as much as I liked boys. It never fully registered because I always just thought I was naive and strange, but that feeling I always got in my stomach when another girl would brush my hand remained there throughout my adolescent years.
I remember being thirteen and all of my friends were starting to question their sexualities. This is the same time that being bisexual was becoming a trend—and it pissed me off. I had friends walking around saying they were done with boys and ready to date girls, but two days later they would be walking around the halls with a new boyfriend. One day they were gay—the next they were straight—and who was I to tell them who they were at that time in their lives?
Who am I to tell them who they are now?
During that time, though, when being bisexual was becoming a “thing”, I was struggling even harder with my sexual identity. It would be something that I would battle with until I was twenty two years old.
Turning fifteen helped me realize many things about myself; I was a horrible liar, I was growing even more overweight, and the boyfriend that I had held onto for the last three years was never going to change. But the one thing that I had realized about myself was that I was indeed bisexual, and it felt amazing to own it.
I have never been the type to be quiet about my identity, and I hope that is something I carry with me until I die. That is something I have to thank my mom for. You see, my mom identifies as lesbian. That fact alone has made many people question not only my existence, but my own identity as well. And with so many people wondering if her being gay had any influence on my identity, I began to question it myself.
I had embraced the bisexual identity for over seven years. Over this seven years I would stand up for myself and my community that it is more than possible to love more than one gender, and that you are certainly not going to hell for loving who your heart wants to love. I also spent a good amount of those seven years educating myself on the LGBTQA community—I mean, that was my community, wasn’t it? Shouldn’t I known everything there is to know about my people?
Well, I got a lot more than I originally had sought out.
Over the summer of 2015 it hit me that something was really missing from myself. I had just returned back to school after a year and a half off and I was finally taking classes that I was in love with. A few of these classes talked a lot about gender identity, which led me into a training program on how to be a better ally. I was already involved in the LGBTQA club on my campus, so I thought this would be a great opportunity. It ended up being a lot more than that.
I learned about what it meant to be two spirited, pansexual, demisexual, aromantic, and so much more. I found myself correcting people on terminology and verbiage when it came to my community, and I was so proud of myself! This effect lasted over the summer, and it left me wondering if maybe labeling myself as bisexual wasn’t the right fit for me at all.
Did this mean that I was a fraud? Did this mean that my experiences before this revelation were invalid and that I was just as fake as my friends in middle school? I had so many questions but not enough answers.
I finally accepted the fact that being pansexual was who I was, and saying that out loud felt one hundred times better than when I came out as bisexual. Everything felt natural and on course. Of course, when I told my friends there were all very accepting of it because they had already been used to my previous identity and they were always going to support me no matter what. When I told my mom however, in a long text about how I knew this wouldn’t be a big deal for her, I was surprised to hear how confused she was.
“I think you are just very passionate about this community and you are very loving”, she would say. “I’m just very confused, I don’t know what this means.”
It took me a very long time to not let her response bother me every time we would discuss my identity. I had spent so much of my life questioning if I really loved more than one gender because my mom was the same way, or if that was who I really was. But I knew who I was and why I identify the way I choose. Being queer and/or pan is so much more than the sexual attraction. It’s about the connection you share with others and the mind within the person. And that is what I have always been about.
I could give a shit in regards to the genitals you were born with; just be a decent human being and let me love you. Simple as that.
There will always be people that exist in this world that think those who identify as pansexual are just another breed of bisexuals trying to say that appearances don’t matter. As if we are secretly shallow creatures. Well, maybe your neighbor Susan is secretly shallow, but not me. My queerness uplifts me. My queerness is more than another fill in the blank. And my queerness is more than a debate on Fox News.
My queerness and I keep each other alive—without it I wouldn’t where I am.