There's Something Happening...

I try my best to be as transparent as I possibly can with my people, my community… I have been sitting deep in a karmic cycle that I promised myself I wouldn’t ever return to. Yet, as I embrace the eye of this storm I am reminded that the point of all this is to make different choices. I’ve been making the same exact choices that I explicitly told myself I wouldn’t do. So now what? How do I rewrite those choices? I’ve been racking my brain and feeling like an utter failure. Which in reality isn’t true., so what do I do? I stepped back, I prayed, I let my thoughts ride themselves out, simply because I am tired of resisting. I can feel when I’m resisting all throughout my body. My stomach bloats, I’m exhausted all the time, I feel heavy in every way.

I realized today actually that I am not weak nor broken. I can give myself what I need to feel good… To feel better. Writing makes me feel better, it allows me to see my thoughts outside of the structure of my mind. Keeping myself tethered to my chaotic brain is exhausting, ya know. It feels like that scene in Zenon where she was walking out in space during the eclipse. I see the universe in front of me, but I have a wire holding me back to something. So I decided to take this healing a step further and turn to what brings me the most joy… Hoodoo.

It’s time for a white bath, a chord cutting ritual and a burial.