How a Rom-Com Helped Me Heal | An Ode to "To All The Boys I've Loved Before".

Image via Medium 

by Kirsten Renee

I'm a romantic comedy fanatic, I've watched all the classics, and even some that no one else has heard of. Rom-Com's have always been a form of escape for me, falling in love with a stranger, being the one for someone, or even forbidden love all have captivated my interest since I was young. As a child my diary held my deepest fantasies and dreams, often starring whatever boy my little heart had a crush on at the time. As I got older, the leading person changed, but those fantasies never went away... nor did my need to write them down.  I went from writing in my diary to writing notes to my heart's desire.  Going out on a limb, and hoping that they would return my affection. That never happened though, I usually was met with a hard dose of reality and legit embarrassment. Yet that never stopped me from writing notes or being overly hopeful that one day I would find my own rom-com partner. 

Well into my teen years where not much happened, but things got a little spicy at times. I realized that romantic comedies were not the best "How To" when it came to dating, and I was actually doing more harm than good to my own heart. My movie watching turned into me reading romance centered novels, thinking that I would one day find the Jasper to my Alice. Let's be real, they were the real power couple of the Twilight series.  Don't get me wrong, I would still watch movies about tragic love all the time, and still silently wished I was in them. 

At some point, adolescents turned into adulthood and that's where shit got really funky. While most of my peers went off to school and found new lovers and friends.  I was off at a local college, nursing a very wounded heart and hoping that I would just be invisible to everyone. It's weird how I went from craving the attention of others, to wishing I could be swallowed up by the floor. Heartache does that to you, and sometimes we don't realize the blessings that come out of a breakup.  

Recently, I've been anticipating the arrival of Netflix's new Romantic Comedy dedicated to teenaged love. "To All The Boys I've Loved Before" caught my eye not only because of the diverse cast but because of the plot. Girl writes love letters (sounds familiar?), letters get sent out, and suddenly she's faced head-on with the consequences of her hearts desires. I sat down and watched it with my best friend and by the end I was sobbing. How did these people expose me like this? I quickly added this movie to my list of favorites and spent the next day reading both books (reading the third one currently!) that it was based on. Reading the books is what really broke down things that I hadn't really noticed that I still held on to. Sure, there were major differences but the gist was the same. . . How do you fantasize about love, but run away when it's in your face?  

See the older I've gotten the more cynical I've become and you would think that for someone who loves love as much as I do I wouldn't be. However, it seems that relationships aren't something that IRL me can handle. The idea of loving someone and allowing them to love me back actually scares the shit out of me.  Like are you serious? What's wrong with me? Why am I like this? 

image via Buzzfeed

It wasn't until I saw and read about LJ and Peter's relationship that I realized "damn girl, you're too young to be this cynical"! Author Jenny Han literally brought my deepest secrets into the light and used my younger self to make me face them. Fifteen years old me was so triggered by watching the movie that I had to walk out and go get a snack. I went home after I watched and decided that I needed to see it again to make sure that I wasn't losing my mind. The second time, however, brought about different feelings even though it had barely been four hours in between both viewings. This time I wasn't watching it as a younger version of myself, I was watching as me now. Which in retrospect is a hell of a lot worse, because then for the next 24 hours I devoured 2 of the 3 books, and watched the movie for the third time.  

When the realization hit me that 16-year-old LJ and 26-year-old Kirsten were the same people, emotions got heavy. Here I am, damn near thirty realizing that the world in my head is NEVER going to match the one I actually live in. Let me tell ya, making that connection felt like I got slapped by the biggest brick to the face. Here I am, a grown woman still fantasizing about the great loves she'll never have. Which could possibly still happen I'm not that naive, but it's best to not write what I want it to be. It's best to let it happen how it's supposed to without any influence from my romance-obsessed brain.  

True enough, not everything can be explained nor can I rewrite the tragedies that I've experienced. I can't take back the notes that I wrote or the embarrassment that I felt. I can't change teenaged decisions or redo the heartache's that came with it.  I can't fix any of that or alter it in any way, the only thing I can do is to recognize my heart now.  What does she want? What does she need today? How can I assist her in healing and growing simultaneously? How is she wanting to be loved? I haven't asked adult me those questions before, and maybe it's about time that I start doing just that. 

This book series and film, pushed me past comfort zones that I did't even realize I was in.  Sure the setting may be high school, but the lesson is so much bigger than that.  We don't get to make up our perfect person, nor do we decide when they come into our lives. For all you know that best friend you had on the playground when you were six, will be your first kiss at sixteen. Life is funny like that and should be enjoyed in all of its fucked up glory. 

Heal yourself in any way you need to. 

Blessed be.  

Check out "To All The Boys I've Loved Before" NETFLIX now! 

How a Facebook Post Helped Me Find My Own Happiness

By Emery W. 

“If you are unhappy, change something. Quit your job. Move. Leave your miserable relationship. Sto`12p making excuses. You are in control.”

via Google 

I don’t know who ultimately put these words together, but they are a double-edged sword for the most part. I remember when I first saw this going around as a post on Facebook, I laughed. “If only it was this easy,” I said to myself before continuing to scroll down my News Feed.

I had been working at the preschool for about a year, I was making just enough to pay all of my bills, and while I wished I made more, I was safe. Since I don’t have my own car, I had co-workers who always made sure I got to work on time every day, and trying to find another job could ruin my chances of that. Then it dawned on me, I can’t rely on other people to get me to and from for the rest of my life. Despite my boss giving me a .25 cent raise, it wasn’t enough to save up for a car, and make sure I had enough to save for a new apartment in the Winter. Add in emergency expenses, gas money to my rides, food, and the occasional new pair of work pants, I wasn’t able to keep up.

When it got to the point where I couldn’t go a week without having an anxiety attack, and I was snapping at my boyfriend every other day, I knew there was a problem. He and I had a deep heart-to-heart, and figured out that I never did anything that made me happy; karaoke, writing, seeing my friends, none of it. The passion that I once had for these things was no longer there. I never wanted to see my friends because when we went out, they always had to pay for me. After a while, I just stopped going out because I didn’t want to seem like a bum. Granted, most of my friends still live at home (lucky), and understand that I have higher priorities than getting drunk every weekend. Not that I wanted to, but I wanted the option. One day, I got home from work, and decided to make a change. I was going to force myself to write something. No matter how bad, I was going to take a thought, write it down, and finish it.

I put on my headphones, pressed play on the Hamilton soundtrack, and got to work on a novel. I finished the first chapter, hated it, but kept it, and vowed to keep going. Soon, I was writing every day, and started smiling again. A few weeks went by, and I saw a post about a start-up online magazine wanting submissions. From that moment on, a fire was lit under my ass, and I knew what I needed to do; follow a dream, and do what I love.

“I was going to force myself to write something.”

I watched from the sideline for two years as my boyfriend, continued to follow his heart, and turn his passion into an income, and always felt that my job was to support him, and make enough money to keep a roof over our heads. Not anymore. I had taken the first step in taking control of my life. Of course, I still needed a day job since writing for a start-up doesn’t make any money (yet), and at the end of the day, we were both doing what we loved, and still struggling.

After a rough day at work that sent me into a full-blown panic attack during my lunch break, I went out on a whim, and applied for a new job that I was sure would offer me more money. Sure enough, two days later I got the call for an interview, nailed said interview the next day, and they were offering me a title, more money than I originally asked for, and benefits. What? Was this real life? I couldn’t believe it. I went home and cried because for once, things were starting to look up. Now only would I be making enough to finally save up for a car, and pay moving costs come December, but I’d be moving up in an industry that I’d given 12 years of my life to.

Finally, I feel like I’m in control of my life again. I’m writing things that I’m proud of daily, my relationship is better because I’m in a better mental state, and I still have supportive friends behind me who are willing to help me get to and from work for a few months so that I can save up for my own means of transportation.

“I went home and cried because for once, things were starting to look up. “

I was always so scared of changing my life because I was so positive that I could be good enough to be in a better position than where life had thrown me. I’m still in the process of getting to where I want to be, and I’m starting to get comfortable with the fact that these kinds of moves take time, but to get on the right track, I had to take a huge step first.

I go back to that post ever so often, and now, I don’t laugh when I read it. I smile because as basic as it reads, it’s true. If you want to get over a speed bump, you have to change things to get there. In reality, us working-class people don’t get things handed to us. It takes work, and the mentality to take the steering wheel of your life, and drive yourself forward.

Love Yo' Self Spells

by Kirsten F. 

Photo Credit Google

I've been feeling the loving vibes from my Sun sign (Aquarius) passing through.  I've been extremely tuned into myself, and to my emotions. Realizing that it was time for a massive spiritual cleansing, I took to learning how to create and work love spells. Growing up I was always afraid of love spells, as a child I remember family conversations of women chaining men to them through spaghetti. I also remember the scene in "Practical Magic" and that woman was so obsessed with a man that she couldn't stand it. Those always seemed wild and extreme to me because I've always felt like love should be given freely. How people receive your love is on them, but how you give it is on you. 

As I've grown my curiosity of witchcraft into an entire part of my life, I've continuously been learning day by day of what type of magick I possess, and what I can create.  I run off of love, and for a long time I could never admit that to myself. I prefered to keep a hard exterior instead of allowing my entire being to radiate the compassion that I felt inside. As I began seeing past preconceived ideas of love spells, I began to try my hand at creating my own.  Adding Rose Quartz to my crystal collection, and diving into figuring out what it was that I need.  I found out that I speak through music and written words. I found my love of writing love letters to people who matter to me again. As I work these spells I notice the way that my spirit is responding, I am facing myself in a way that once would have scared me. I'm realizing that those shadows that lurked in my past are not bad, but are lessons that I needed.  My intuition is my biggest allie and I always trust it.

When working spells of the heart, be mindful that no matter if the outcome is meant for you or another. The truth will always come forward, because to love anything or anyone the truth must be revealed.  Asking the spirit guides for their help in aiding your self love spells is asking for every door you've ever had to open and confront you. Because to love yourself, you must know yourself first. 

Photo Credit Google 

I'm still new at creating my own spells and rituals, but that doesn't make them not real. No matter where you are on your journey your magick is as strong as you want/need it to be. With that being said, I've included a spell that I created and that I've tried from other people!

 

Attracting Love To You , From You

Photo Credit internationalmediums.com 

This spell is for some self induced TLC! Creating your reality is all about your perception, so if you believe the spell will work... It will.  I'm in no way saying the result will be instant, nor am I saying that you'll even see some major effect. Spells work differently for different people, at least that's what I've learned. 

What You'll Need:

1. Pink, Red, or White candle(s)
2. Rose Quartz / Citrine
3. A clear and grounded space, sage your work space and meditate (dance, sing, whatever you do to go into your own spirit). 
4. Stand in the mirror, find yourself. Invision a white light engulfing you. 
5. Orange oil (or your favorite oil!) 

Recite:

   My spirit is full of lust, love and compassion.

I seek truth and guidance from my intuition and (any other god/dess, fairies, spirit guides, guardian angels,etc) that protect me. 

My love is my own to give as freely as I see fit, and to take back whenever I feel the need to. 

end the spell with whatever you like to send it off with. 

Extra Tips:

1. You can also write this spell down on any mirroring surface. Working with mirrors is a very direct and all walls down type of practice. By writing these words down, you are asking for them to reflect onto your present life. So be mindful when using mirrors in your practices.  
2. Write this spell down on a piece of paper, bless it and carry it with you until you feel like you don't need to any longer. 
3. Sleep with the written spell! You can place it underneath your pillow or lay it beside you before you go to bed. 

You can also read out some of my personal favorite love spells written by some of my favorite people! 

Check out this interview that Gabriela Herstik from HelloGiggles.com did with Bri Luna aka The Hoodwitch! Bri gives a lesson in working with Rose Quartz and your heart chakra! 

Let us know if you used this spell!