A Year With Lilith: Healing my divine masculine, accepting my dark goddess energy + recovering

I’m really about to expose myself to y’all. Like full disclosure, if you’re in my family (or are uncomfortable with the idea that I’m a being who has sex) you probably don’t want to read this. (Also, I’m grown so get over it.) 

A year ago today I did an Ostara ritual where I invoked Goddess Lilith. If you’ve never heard of her, do yourself a solid and look her up. She was Adams first wife and the first woman to say “fuck these men” and mean it. I had been feeling her vibes a few months prior to that ritual. At the time I had been in a two-year period of not having sex of any kind with a partner. I was a solo pleaser and was perfectly fine being in that space. However, I didn’t really realize at the time of me doing that ritual that I was going to be face to face with some demons.  

See when you work with a Goddess like Lilith, you have to understand that she intends to break you down so that you can never not trust yourself. She gives us the ability to focus, gain knowledge in areas we thought were lost causes, and so much more. Once I did that ritual, I moved into a spiritual (and mental) space of letting go. I experienced so much grief and anger during those first few months. I lost my grandfather, my favorite place on Earth was feeling like my own personal hell, and I found myself attaching to people in really weird ways. 

The shit was so uncomfortable for me, but I told myself consistently that this has to happen in order for me to see this through.  As time went on, I was starting to see a lot of my previous romantic/emotional patterns pop back up. I ran into (nah like LITERALLY ran into) my elementary school crush who I was IN LOVE with lol. Like full on had wet dreams about this person as a child, loved them.  I should add that my Venus is in Sagittarius, so that should give you some context throughout this post. 

I ran into them in a public setting and what’s wild is that when I should have been super chill. I wasn’t, I had reverted back to 8-year old me. The uncomfortable, insecure, awkward and emotionally unstable little girl. Who always thought that a boy like him would never like a girl like her. The one who literally cried when he asked her out one day and broke up with her the next. The one who wrote about him in journal because her very active Pisces rising is a deep romantic. I realized that I had so much trauma held inside from that shit. I didn’t know it then, but for the next couple of months Lilith was going to test me even more.

Other profound moments happened, especially the one where she came to me in a dream. Held a ceremony for me, invited people I love who are in my life currently and those who have passed on. That night in the astral realm, I got my big witch crown and a whole lot of responsibilities. I knew that my work was just beginning and in order to do that I had to heavily heal my romantic self and find a middle ground between my divine masculine and feminine. I started being intentional about what I wanted to be like as a partner and what I wanted in a partner. I got so specific I mean like “ someone who loves me within my boundaries.” Type of shit.

I found myself just chilling after writing that list, I met some cool people, but nothing was sizzling my soul ya know? That was until I had a dream in November about myself and this unknown man. We were sitting in his car, chilling and talking. I woke up feeling so loved, cared for and deeply seen. I thought about that dream a lot, like a lot a lot over the next couple of weeks. I knew that whoever he was, he was very real. It clicked a little while later that I did in fact know that man. I met him at this class I started going to with a friend. He was really intriguing to me, when the first time I saw him I told my homegirl that he reminded me of Lucifer. Very pretty, but also extremely deceiving and a lot of trouble. I hadn’t even spoken to him at that point, but my intuitive self stays knowing what’s up.

Somehow though, my immediate thoughts went out the window and I ended up tangled up in some shit that I can’t fully explain. See when you’re working with Lilith expect the devil to show up at some point. I knew that going into this that I would face some new shit, some shit that matched my level of power. Some shit that, well … would change me completely. What I didn’t know is that I was walking into the dismantling of my very being. What I didn’t know is that this person would be the last test and a blessing.

I learned that I am selfish, irate, hot and cold, extremely vulnerable, needy, wild, even more slutty than I originally thought, and a whole lot of other things. He gave me everything and nothing all at once, he never lied though. He always tells me the truth, even if it’s harsh. I fell in love with him in three days (again, Sag Venus over here) and didn’t look back. However, I also learned that I want what I want and deserve that. I found that I over-explain myself and my needs and learned how to put up boundaries. I also learned that Libra’s are mirrors and my energy clearly sets the tone for chaos to form.

I realized that even though I spent time in isolation pre-Lilith , I still am learning to not use sex as a weapon to get what I want. I learned that I can fully love someone even if they don’t love me back and that’s okay. I realized that I am not responsible for anyone else’s actions … only my own. I also realized that satan does have a son and I love him a whole lot.

Like Lilith though, I am above all else a Goddess of the middle ground. My shadow and light are learning how to intertwine themselves together. I am capable of loving intensely, intentionally and honestly. I am also capable of loving from a distance, from knowing when to choose me before anyone. Capable of knowing when to apologize for creating chaos.

This is my apology and also the beginning of a beautiful manifesto. This is my way of welcoming you all into a new era of my life. Let’s ride this Saturn Return of mine with love, growth and light in mind.

blessed be.

The Power of Written Words + Manifesting Your Best Life

By Kirsten Renee

You know the saying “hushed mouths won’t get fed.”? Essentially it means, that person is not a mind reader and if you want something from them all you need to do is ask. The Universe works in the same way, if you want your prayers to be heard, you’ve got to be confident in saying them! You can’t just assume that God/dess, spirit guides, ancestors and angels know what it is that you want. You’re a part of your spiritual team and it’s best you show up as a teammate! Being afraid to claim what you instinctively know is yours is what will keep it out of your reach. That and not putting any physical work into manifesting your goals will stifle your aspirations.  You are more than capable of making a conscious choice as to how you want to maneuver your life. 

There is power in the written word and a direct link to what it is that you feel and need. Keeping journals, planners, grimore’s etc. are a few ways that people manifest their magick.  When you keep record of what your desires are, it is easier for you to prioritize them! When something is consistently being repeated (especially prayers/spells). You are showing the universe that you are serious about your life choices and confident in what you feel.  Your wording is most important, especially when doing intentional manifesting! Saying phrases like “ I can’t wait” or “I am ready to” give off a signal that you don’t understand the first rule of the practice! The key to manifesting is living in what you want presently. Viewing your desires from the future or past tense makes them unattainable.

Use phrases such as “I am ______ now” or “ I am receiving of this blessing in the present day”.  Using words that are connected to the ‘now’ are KEY! Claiming your desires (all those that are with good intention!) as yours, is showing that you feel that you are deserving of this. Now, I’m in no way saying that what you want will pop up overnight! You’ve got to stay consistent with this practice. Magick is something that has a current, it is alive and well. So if you want to work yours, build a relationship with it! The perfect place to start is by doing one of the exercises I included below!

Ways to Fire Up Your Manifesting Magick

Create + Consecrate an Intention Journal

Binding a notebook/journal to yourself is something that you can do! I use this method and I do a ritual each time I use a new journal. Before doing this (or any type of magick) make sure that you protect your space!  Cast a circle, remove distractions, pray over your space, etc! Make your spell work area protected by spirit and connected to you! 

• Pray over it! Ask your spirit team to step forward and join you in the blessing of this manifesting tool. Use this time to verbalize your intentions of that specific journal, be mindful of what comes up subconsciously as well! Journals are a physical representation of our emotions, no matter what they are!

• Anoint it with blessed oils/spray, sacred smoke, or a Sigil! I always wipe the covers of my journals with rose water! I’ll also pass it through the smoke of herb blends! 

• Write a letter/prayer note to yourself on the first few pages! Speak to yourself as your therapist, friend and spirit guide! Use this time to really call out your desires directly and don’t hold back! This is how you finalize what it is that you want!

• Make time for your journal! Intentionally using a journal is a daily practice that you find a flow within! Whether you do it first thing in the morning, on your lunch break or before bed! Get your manifesting time in because every day is a new miracle!

Using Numerology (and Technology) For Pop Up Reminders

Everyone knows to make a wish at 11:11 because it’ll bring you luck, it sounds crazy but it’s true!  11:11 and other mirroring numbers are often referred to as angel numbers! Personally my angels use these numbers to communicate with me. Each part of your spiritual team uses different forms of communication! The knowledge of numbers and their frequencies can always be of assistance when manifesting!

• Set an alarm with a mantra as the title! Using something like “love flows to me with ease, love flows from me with ease.” or even “as above, so below” are great starters!  You can create your own mantras as well, something that resonates with your spirit. Using times like 3:33 or even 12:12 can be used to amplify the energy of your mantra!

• Using apps like Tiny Spark, Golden Thread Tarot and The Pattern can give you a deeper dive into yourself!  I often look at my craft apps first thing in the morning! It’s like my newspaper, I read my horoscope, pull two digital tarot cards, and read my devotionals!

• Naturally noticing angel numbers appear in your everyday life! Angels love to communicate and when you create a steady relationship  with them, you open up new portals. By inviting them into your space, you are allowing your frequencies to link up.

Using Reflective Magick

One of my favorite ways to manifest, is by casting mirror (reflective) spells! Writing on mirrors of all sizes can directly link you to your deepest self. You want to root yourself into your wants, so look yourself in the eye and get to it! Reflective magick can be something as simple as writing a word of confidence on your compact mirror. It could also look like spraying every mirror you own with rose water and casting the intent of honesty onto it.

• Make enchanted/anointed water!  I often like to charge my first cup of water for the day with crystals! Leaving it out overnight or letting it sit in the sunlight a bit before consuming, crystal infused water can help magnify your daily frequency!

• An enchantment ritual is another great way to receive and tune into the good vibes! I do enchantment rituals often! All you’ll need is a quiet/centered space, a mirror (that has been consecrated/blessed), and an item(s) that you want to bounce back onto.

               Instructions

— Uplift the energy of the room (pray, dance, sing, meditate,etc) and cast your circle/pray for protection.

— Call down your spirit team and ask them for assistance in enchanting this item. You can choose anything, preferably something that you interact with every day! Like Jewelry,  glasses, lipstick/chap stick, hand/ bags, your wallet, etc.

— Spray your mirror with blessed oil/water.  I like to use a rose/Florida water mixture, to amplify the love of my spell and to purify the item.

— You can write down a prayer/spell/word.etc onto the mirror or you can skip this step! Whatever you feel most comfortable doing!

— Place your object on the mirror, say your blessings and intentions onto it! Be specific with what you bestow upon it, this energy will be strong and you will carry it with you daily!

— You can leave this out in the sun/moon for three days! I like to do it during a full moon cycle. The brightness of the sun and moon amplify the energy of the object!

• Draw a sigil somewhere on your body! I can’t be the only one who wrote on her legs and clothes in middle school! Sigils are a great way to keep your mantras with you throughout the day.  You can draw/ stitch siglis onto your jacket, keep a drawing inside of your wallet, or just draw it somewhere on your body!

Remember, manifesting isn’t hard nor is it just for the witches on the block. Anyone can practice and make manifesting a part of their daily lives! Like Grandma Agatha (RIP) said in ‘HalloweenTown’  “You’ve got to want something and then let yourself have it!” Don’t be afraid to get oddly specific with your desires, now isn’t the time to play shy with The Universe. Share this post with a friend and invite them to find their own journey with manifesting too!  Pour love into yourself and your communities!

Blessed be.