How To Show Up For Your Reflection. | A conversation around Glamor Magick Rituals, Healing and Tarot for Self Care

I want to preface this journal entry by saying (and reminding others) that I am a bad ass bitch. I’m the baddest bitch in any and every room I walk into. My energy is infectious, inviting and highly protected. With that being said, I want to have a real ass conversation about self image, public image and Glamor magick. All of those things that are interconnected and often can have an impact on how we navigate this life. When you ask yourself “where does my self worth come from?” you can then start to see just where those unflattering and down right mean thoughts come from. Does your value lie in the hands of the public? Fuck no. Absolutely not, but we can catch stray bs from publicity. Have you ever heard the phrase “I want the wealth of fame, not the attention”? To be seen is to set yourself up for scrutiny and outside opinions. The way to move through that is to always see yourself in your truest form. Only you really know who you are. Your perception of yourself is the only one that actually matters, because you have to carry this meat suit and feelings around.

I may not be a typical “baddie”. Flawless skin, a super fit body or voluptuous body, perfectly laid hair, extremely white teeth and whatever else is on the list of being “society’s hot girl” . I typically stand out like a lil alien weirdo when I’m with my friends, like the time I wore overalls and a bucket hat to the strip club. Personally, I love being different I love having my own sense of self in this world, but I’m also an Aquarius Sun, with HELLA Capricorn placements and a Leo moon. So my Goddess-complex is astronomical if we’re being real. Have I always been bold? Yes. Confident? Not so much. There are days even now where I have to wake up and choose to love what I see when I look in the mirror. Sometimes the reflection looking back at me looks exactly like what I perceive in my mind. Other times, I am met with a sense of dread and darkness that isn’t always easy to shake or ignore. So what do I do when that reflection shows up? I sit with it. I hold it. I pour magick and light into it. I stare and cry, I fight and plead for something different to appear.

Holding myself through my own shadow has become easier over time. I remind myself that I am loved and safe in my body. I remind my reflection that what I see is merely a perception not a fact. I hug myself, wrapping my arms around all the parts of me that can fit inside the hug. I write personal statements on mirrors, so that when I look the next time I met with kindness. I turn to my coven and let their love wash over me like the coolest water from a waterfall. I take it to my yoga mat and leave every worry with every drop of sweat that leaves my body. I seek healing through tarot spreads with trusted comrades and seek council from licensed therapists. I try. I don’t give up, I look at her (my reflection) and I just try.

It is not always easiest to try, because there is a chance that failure meets you instead of success. But what is failure other than a chance to dig a lil deeper, change directions. For me, that looks like anointing my mirrors with holy oils, smudging and praying over them. I also do a Reflective ritual that calls in divine power, strength to see what I can not and love.

Kirsten’s “Take a Look Around” Mirror Ritual

This Ritual is to be done during a Full Moon phase. Most potent during water Full Moons!

Supplies

• A full length mirror

• white, pink and yellow candles

• Red wine for yourself and your altar

• Red, pink and yellow roses

• Rose Quartz, Harlequin Quartz, Selenite, Amazonite

• A journal for releasing and one for acceptance

• The Empress Tarot Card

• Your favorite perfume/spray/oil

• A sexy af playlist

• Glass of filtered water to make moon water with

Directions (can be followed or improvised)

STEP ONE

1. As you relax into this ritual, grab your releasing journal and write down all of things that make you feel disconnected from your reflection. What makes you afraid to see yourself for who you really are? What is blocking your view of yourself?

2. Take a cleansing bath/shower. Wash your hair, moisturize, do your skincare routine! Also, air dry! No towels! If you live in shared space, you may cover yourself in white clothing/linen until you are in a secure space.

3. Spray your naked body with your favorite body perfumes, sprays, or oils.

4. Gather your supplies

5. Set up your altar. Me personally, I use silver sharpies and paint pens to draw sigils onto my altar. You can use whatever your heart desires.

STEP TWO

1. Light your candles, placing them around your Empress Tarot Card. If you are using non-enclosed candles, you can place them on a microwave safe plate. Placing The Empress underneath the plate. You may also fix your candles with your preferred oils, herbs. Remember, this ritual is based on self acceptance and awarness. So herbs like, rose petals, calendula, lavender, clove, cinnamon, nutmeg and rosemary are all excellent for this process.

2. Turn off all other lights and electronics. Only allowing the light of your candles to hold space for light work.

3. Ground yourself! You can listen to heart, sacral or root chakra frequencies. Meditate. Dance. Do a yoga flow focusing on opening your hips and heart.

4. Pray! You can use Psalm 36:9 or say your own prayer/chant, invoke your ancestors and guardians. Calling in the power that lies within you given to you by The Creator. Use this time to hold and sit with The Empress, asking her to open up the gates to the garden. Visualizing her holding your hand as you prepare to sit in depth of your image and emotion.

5. Drink your wine and as you pour a glass for Goddess. Think of all the way that Goddess lives within you. You were created and manifested into a divine being for a reason. Show gratitude for the fact that you are in fact a divine attachment to The Creator. You are an extension of the universal magick. Own it.

STEP THREE

1. Stand in front of your mirror. Notice yourself. Look at the strands of hair on your head (or skin for my bald baddies)! Look at the shape of your facial features. Those lips, those deep and soulful eyes, your smile and nose and ears. Take in yourself. Who you are right now. That person, is so fucking worthy of all of the love. Especially from yourself. Hug yourself. Touch yourself. Feel who you are.

2. For my sex magick besties, grab your favorite toy (hand) or partner and have a couple orgasms in front of the mirror. Using the power of your pleasure to affirm your power. You know what they say, an Orgasm a day keeps the magick at play. Have fun with it! You may also find that you enter subspace during or after this ritual. Please be mindful of that as you do your work.

3. For my not so sensual babes, you can use this time to dance in front of the mirror. Do another yoga/mobility flow. Recite chants, etc.

4. Letting your body’s energy flow freely, take this time to pull cards. You can use the spread I posted above or do your own! Let this be your moment of clarity and self reflection.

5. Grab your acceptance journal and reveal what you’ve discovered about yourself. You can draw a picture, write a poem, write song lyrics, anything that reflects the love that you have for yourself.

6. Close out your ritual. Sending your guides love and praises for keeping you close and leading you. Calling your energy back in from the high cosmos. You can pray, meditate or simply call it back down. Whatever works for you!

7. Clean your working area! Keep your candles lit (if possible)! If not, be sure to snuff (NEVER blow) your candles out. Place your moon water in a window seal! You can also place it outside, just be sure to keep it covered from bugs! Mason Jars with lids work the best IMO!

Personally, I like to go to bed right after this ritual, but you can do whatever you want lol. Any-who, I hope that if you do this ritual you share your experience in the comments below or by messaging me on Instagram! I would love to hear your experiences!

xx

Kirsten Renee

A Year With Lilith: Healing my divine masculine, accepting my dark goddess energy + recovering

I’m really about to expose myself to y’all. Like full disclosure, if you’re in my family (or are uncomfortable with the idea that I’m a being who has sex) you probably don’t want to read this. (Also, I’m grown so get over it.) 

A year ago today I did an Ostara ritual where I invoked Goddess Lilith. If you’ve never heard of her, do yourself a solid and look her up. She was Adams first wife and the first woman to say “fuck these men” and mean it. I had been feeling her vibes a few months prior to that ritual. At the time I had been in a two-year period of not having sex of any kind with a partner. I was a solo pleaser and was perfectly fine being in that space. However, I didn’t really realize at the time of me doing that ritual that I was going to be face to face with some demons.  

See when you work with a Goddess like Lilith, you have to understand that she intends to break you down so that you can never not trust yourself. She gives us the ability to focus, gain knowledge in areas we thought were lost causes, and so much more. Once I did that ritual, I moved into a spiritual (and mental) space of letting go. I experienced so much grief and anger during those first few months. I lost my grandfather, my favorite place on Earth was feeling like my own personal hell, and I found myself attaching to people in really weird ways. 

The shit was so uncomfortable for me, but I told myself consistently that this has to happen in order for me to see this through.  As time went on, I was starting to see a lot of my previous romantic/emotional patterns pop back up. I ran into (nah like LITERALLY ran into) my elementary school crush who I was IN LOVE with lol. Like full on had wet dreams about this person as a child, loved them.  I should add that my Venus is in Sagittarius, so that should give you some context throughout this post. 

I ran into them in a public setting and what’s wild is that when I should have been super chill. I wasn’t, I had reverted back to 8-year old me. The uncomfortable, insecure, awkward and emotionally unstable little girl. Who always thought that a boy like him would never like a girl like her. The one who literally cried when he asked her out one day and broke up with her the next. The one who wrote about him in journal because her very active Pisces rising is a deep romantic. I realized that I had so much trauma held inside from that shit. I didn’t know it then, but for the next couple of months Lilith was going to test me even more.

Other profound moments happened, especially the one where she came to me in a dream. Held a ceremony for me, invited people I love who are in my life currently and those who have passed on. That night in the astral realm, I got my big witch crown and a whole lot of responsibilities. I knew that my work was just beginning and in order to do that I had to heavily heal my romantic self and find a middle ground between my divine masculine and feminine. I started being intentional about what I wanted to be like as a partner and what I wanted in a partner. I got so specific I mean like “ someone who loves me within my boundaries.” Type of shit.

I found myself just chilling after writing that list, I met some cool people, but nothing was sizzling my soul ya know? That was until I had a dream in November about myself and this unknown man. We were sitting in his car, chilling and talking. I woke up feeling so loved, cared for and deeply seen. I thought about that dream a lot, like a lot a lot over the next couple of weeks. I knew that whoever he was, he was very real. It clicked a little while later that I did in fact know that man. I met him at this class I started going to with a friend. He was really intriguing to me, when the first time I saw him I told my homegirl that he reminded me of Lucifer. Very pretty, but also extremely deceiving and a lot of trouble. I hadn’t even spoken to him at that point, but my intuitive self stays knowing what’s up.

Somehow though, my immediate thoughts went out the window and I ended up tangled up in some shit that I can’t fully explain. See when you’re working with Lilith expect the devil to show up at some point. I knew that going into this that I would face some new shit, some shit that matched my level of power. Some shit that, well … would change me completely. What I didn’t know is that I was walking into the dismantling of my very being. What I didn’t know is that this person would be the last test and a blessing.

I learned that I am selfish, irate, hot and cold, extremely vulnerable, needy, wild, even more slutty than I originally thought, and a whole lot of other things. He gave me everything and nothing all at once, he never lied though. He always tells me the truth, even if it’s harsh. I fell in love with him in three days (again, Sag Venus over here) and didn’t look back. However, I also learned that I want what I want and deserve that. I found that I over-explain myself and my needs and learned how to put up boundaries. I also learned that Libra’s are mirrors and my energy clearly sets the tone for chaos to form.

I realized that even though I spent time in isolation pre-Lilith , I still am learning to not use sex as a weapon to get what I want. I learned that I can fully love someone even if they don’t love me back and that’s okay. I realized that I am not responsible for anyone else’s actions … only my own. I also realized that satan does have a son and I love him a whole lot.

Like Lilith though, I am above all else a Goddess of the middle ground. My shadow and light are learning how to intertwine themselves together. I am capable of loving intensely, intentionally and honestly. I am also capable of loving from a distance, from knowing when to choose me before anyone. Capable of knowing when to apologize for creating chaos.

This is my apology and also the beginning of a beautiful manifesto. This is my way of welcoming you all into a new era of my life. Let’s ride this Saturn Return of mine with love, growth and light in mind.

blessed be.